You know that position I was interviewing for a few weeks ago that I mentioned? Well...I didn’t get it.
The timing of when I found out was extremely unfortunate - I’d just spent a wonderful four days with my good friend, Daran, in Berlin, and was going back to Leiden to continue the remainder of my holiday, when I happened to check my inbox.
"There were many enthusiastic candidates like you, but we regret to inform you we are unable to-"
I remember only those words, because by that time I'd already closed the email, dazed. I didn't want to read any more. I was surprised at how upset I was, but I suppose I should have been, considering how much I'd been banking on getting this position.
“I’m not really sure I should be putting you on a seven-hour train journey by yourself in this condition,” Daran said worriedly. It was the first time he'd seen me cry, or even emote so dramatically, and I could tell even through the haze of my tears he seemed taken aback.
I shrugged. "I'm sure I'll be fine." At the least I'll just obliterate the snacks I packed, I joked to myself feebly.
The whole seven hours back, I kept running through in my head why, why, why didn’t I get the position? (It was a government position for an arts teacher, by the way.) For the first time in my life I'd felt confident going into an interview. I was qualified, and had relevant experience, and felt like it was something I really wanted to do. Perhaps it didn't show through in my interview? Or maybe I'd answered some questions unsatisfactorily? Maybe I wasn't quite localized enough for them, and was a bit too honest in some of my answers. So many maybes, and perhaps, and what ifs.
Just goes to show that so many things never quite work out the way you plan. That you can feel you've done so well, and tried your best, and...well.
I'd fallen asleep halfway through the journey, and was waking up around Deventer - only an hour's journey left. By that time, I felt calmer, if still worried about the future. I suppose it wasn't meant to be, then. That's what I had concluded as I stepped off the train.
I’ve since had the time to compose myself and think a bit more. I'm sure had I gotten the position, I would have been happy in my own way. But now I think, there's always another path for me. Things never work out the way you plan, but they have a way of working themselves out, nonetheless.
